Notation

I never like the thought of leaving, of being left alone, but every time I try to get hold with something and someone I grow fond of, things began to fall out, I am not sure if which of those is the hardest or the most devastating of all but I know I was left broken and in pieces, did I become whole again? I am not sure either, but one thing I am positive I had grown up to how this feels. That no matter how people try to convince me that I need to believe and hope things will be better I know, deep down it will never be the same again. I was a shattered person and I never hope nor wish, but I do try to dream to be fixed someday. If when, again I am not sure. One thing is definite, that I bleed every time I go through this I may have grown to how it feels but I am not immune with it. That every time I encounter this phase I still feel the pain and my guard was down all the time, maybe others are right when they say history repeats itself until lessons are learned. Maybe, I never learned a thing that is why it keeps coming back… I know I will someday (did I just hope when I say that… hmm, this must be a good step to start things again) but maybe I wont, I know am resistant on things, and I will just keep going there to repeat every cycle of hurt I have…